I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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