i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
