Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
