At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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