she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
