just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
