Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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