Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize