so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize