he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
