So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize