Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
