dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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