what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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