guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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