Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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