if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
