every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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