I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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