Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
"it" just moved
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
