ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize