Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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