Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Jerry, you need to find god
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
