clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
