haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
PANTIES FOUND
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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