found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
