dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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