how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize