I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
