i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
