Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
