Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
