Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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