remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize