i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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