My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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