it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
