Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
