thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
