I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
