Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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