weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
