Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
