So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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