You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
