is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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