i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize