it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
