dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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