Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
