Too much gin, very little bucket
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
They left me at home... I'm a liability
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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