I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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