help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
