u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
