I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
