I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
