Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
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