i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
