dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
