were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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