apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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