I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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