All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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