i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
