good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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