Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
