So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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