I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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